medication

So i'm seeing my councelor again and i'm on meds for my depression and stuff and i'm wondering if i will have to be on them forever.. i'm told i'm bipolar and yes when reading through alot of it seems to discribe me... so in being bi polar i will be on meds for that forever probably.. it has been very hard for me to keep a job and for me to keep friendships or any kind of relationships.. i push people away... so now i wonder what is the use anymore.. i mean i believe in Jesus.. with all my heart i believe in Him but do i trust what He stands for? doesn't He stand for unconditional love?? and if so is that what is keeping me from handing it all over to Him because my whole life i have been hurt by the people who supposedly love me right... well how do i change this.. my doc says that my councelor will beable to help me with that and that it will take some time but not to give up on it because i will in time begin to see changes in myself... so i shall listen to him and stick with things because he seems to really care.. i mean i took my daughter to see him today because she has been complaining of a sore throat and in talking to him i also explained what was going on with me right.. well.. by the time we left...lol. he felt the need to yell at me a little bit.. guess i was not really listening to him and was asking to many questions or rather second guessing him.. anyway by the time my daughter and i left he stood up and gave me a hug as i was walking out the door.. that is the third time he has done that... see he knows all about my past.. more so then my councelor actually knows so far i think... i havn't really even opened up all the way to her.. but she is trying to get things stable wiht my meds before we get really into my healing.... so i'm still rambling and going on and i'm going to end it here..... sorry for going on so long...

this little girl of 8

by jenny dobson

this little girl of 8 runs to her room

in hopes that he will pass her by

she prays that he will not look her way

she runs to her closet

in hopes he will not see her

for she knows that it's forbidden

that it's a sin this little girl of 8

she runs to her room

in hopes that the rage she sends will pass her by

she knows not a day goes by that she must feel this rage

she can see the hatred in her eyes

she is told she lies this little girl of 8 she needs to be freed

of the belts, the flyswatters and the wooden spoons

she is called whore,sleeze tramp

not a day goes by that she that

she doesnt' wish she was gone

she runs to her daddy and is told not to lie

what should she dohe doesn't believe

she is lot to him

he has believe his wife

yet again this little girl had grown and is now 28

still she is hidingfrom her fate this woman of 28

is only looking for love

but seems to only get heartache

from above she sends out her blessing to all the little girls of this world

she doesn't wish to be 8 again

PEACE AND LOVE TO YOU ALL......

cries the little girl of 8

why????

why????

by jenny dobson

why were you not there to protect me

how could you not see the pain in me

why did i have to feel all this pain

how could you turn your back on me

what did i do to deserve this pain

when was it decided i was to blame

what was the reason that you left me in shame

when was it decided that i was not the same

where di dyou go when i screamed out in fear

what did i do

what did i say

why do you not love me

why am i to blame

can't get out of this rut

I can't seem to get out of this rut i am in... i'm sinking and i don't know how to get out of this... God is keeping the strength in me to keep going but i dont know how much longer i can hang on... they say you won't go anywhere if it is not your time... but i often wonder if that is true...

sinking

I feel like i'm sinking.. do you ever get that feeling.. like your falling into a black pit and can't get out of it... God i pray to you for you help.. please help me to overcome this... help me...

battling flashbacks

I havn't written for a while because God seems to think i am reading to begin dealing with more of my past.. He's revealed more to me and i can only pray that i can deal with it.. please keep me in your prayers.. thank you.. Jenny