Teen years

When i 14 or so i started helping teach bible school to the younger kids.. i went to church every sunday and really enjoyed myself.. Then i went to get confirmed... The pastor that we had then was a sick man though many did not know it until someone started saying the things he did... He would tell us sick jokes and he was always real touchy feely... It was then that i decided the day i was confirmed i was not going back to church at all.. I was 15 when i made that decision.. see i figured that God didn't love me because of my past and what was happening to me... i couldn't see God being there for me at all... needless to say once i got a job and got a car things totally changed for me...

I started drinking and running around.. i turned to boys to try to find the love that i wasn't getting at home.. i wanted to feel like someone wanted me and loved me.. heck i still feel that way but now i know i have Jesus with me and i know He loves me... There was one night when i came home about 3 am.. i was 16yrs old.. I had been working and got off work and then the manager and the delivery driver and i went to the bar and they served me... i came home so drunk and found my mom sitting outside waiting for me... she started hitting and scratching me in the face and she took my keys and threw then out into the yard somewhere... She then went inside and started screaming and yelling at my dad to take care of things.... He got up and sent me upstairs.. then yelled for me to come right back down and before i even got to the last step he started swinging at me... my head flew into the corner of the door and i ended up getting a huge lump on my head... he just kept swinging and hitting me.. it was like he had lost it or something.. he backed me all the way out to the kitchen all the while my mother just watching and smiling..

My brother woke up and came to my rescue... Mom was trying to drag him back but he got right in between dad and i and he shoved dad back and told him that was enough.. my brother was only 14 at the time and i was 16... Mom started going after my brother and dad stopped her and said he's right.. it's enough... he sent us upstairs and i know i feel asleep crying that night.. i was quite sober by the time all this had finished and but when i slept i was out cold... Dad woke me up about 7 am and sat me on the couch to talk to me... He was crying.. he had never done anything like that to me before and he hasn't since.. and he vowed that day that he would not let mom get to him and him lose it like he did the night before.. he kept telling me he was sorry.. I told him right out that i forgave him... and i did too... you dont know how much mom could push a person to act out like that.. and my dad never touched me after that either... anyway i come to find out later on from my younger sister that dad had been up and down the steps the rest of the night to make sure i was still there and i hadn't run away...

It was easy for me to forgive my dad.. because people can blow when they are pushed so much and my mother knew just how to push buttons on a person... It took me a long time to forgive my mother for all that she and my uncle had done... i wrote a poem to my brother and i'm going to add it at the bottom of this.. but for now.. prayers and luv and peace be with you.... my_angel_eyes3

My brother
by jenny dobson

my brother my savior
i will always love him so
he stood in the way
to keep the blows at bay

my brother is my hero
he means so much to me
for although he is angry
he will always stand next to me

my brother is my friend
the only true one i got
for i wish he could just see
he's helped me alot

my brother i love
for he has been through so much
talking alot for me
i just wish he could see

my brother deserves happiness
that he's finally found
i dream that he will be set free
of the past that will always be

my brother i love
i wish you could see me now
see the pain i am in
for it is all coming down

i love you dear brother
and i thank you with my very being
so be happy with your life
and let no one set you back

my wish to you dear brother
is to be free of the past
open up to your soon to be wife
so she will forever last

although you may not like me
we are one and the same
and i can see your pain
i love you dear brother
so please be free