adulthood
Ok so i go into adulthood and my sons father and i end up breaking up when i'm 21 or so... from then on i go from relationship to relationship pushing people away.. each time someone got close i pushed them until they left... i also seemed to know they would leave anyway so why not push them so they would do it faster... they way i saw it i wasn't worthy enough to be loved by anyone.. i still have yet to have a relationship to where i didn't push someone away....
A little over 2 years ago i started my yahoo group... i started it with the soul purpose of have a place to put my poems and i had a friend of mine that was in the group with me... it was her idea for me to start the group in the first place... and then i met other people that became my friends and i invited them to the group... i also joined a group called Shatteredmen... the founder is a friend of mine even today and is a moderator in my groups... it was around this time that i started meeting these people that i started to have an interest in God again... See they were all Christian and they didn't push God at me but they sure did answer any questions i had and they were all very caring and truely interested in me as a person.....
So i gave myself to Jesus... i put my trust back in Him... but it has not been an easy road.. for God does not promise a life without trials but He does promise to be there with us going through it all with us... So there was Ken, Joe, Brenda and a few others that helped me keep going.. but satan was doing everything he could to get me to turn from God again and i had even met a few people that i shouldn't have had nothing to do with... in my mind i rationalized it that i was helping them when in reality i wasn't at all.. i was making things worse because i was falling into their lies of darkness... so through all these struggles my friends stuck by me... Becky and Ken i am still really close with.. Becky as become a sister to me on here and i could not see not having these 2 people in my life anymore.. for they both are there to listen and help guide me....
So my groups have now become Christian survivors groups and the yahoo groups has about 96 people in it.. msn has about 60 and my prayer support group has a little over 30 i think now... around that time i started searching for a church and the first one i went too i have been going to since.. not every sunday but at least once a month.. and these past 6 months or so it has been at least 2 or 3 times a month that i been going to the church... i was baptized there a few weeks ago and will be becoming a member of the church there soon too... they are a wonderful group of people at this church.. they have helped me alot to feel welcome there... i'm use to snooty old time churches but this church is not that way at all... it took me a long time to get use to the people just walking up and giving me hugs.... and i decided that in time if it is for me to be married that God will send Him my way and i have to faith in that... If we dont have faith in God or trust in Him then we have nothing... Now when i go through my trials i don't go through them along.. i know He is next to me.. and i also know He is taking the brunt of the pain.. for i know i would not be here today if not for Him and Him alone....
ok so i'm done rambling for today... and we are getting closer to the end of my life.... prayers and luv.. God Bless.. jenny
A little over 2 years ago i started my yahoo group... i started it with the soul purpose of have a place to put my poems and i had a friend of mine that was in the group with me... it was her idea for me to start the group in the first place... and then i met other people that became my friends and i invited them to the group... i also joined a group called Shatteredmen... the founder is a friend of mine even today and is a moderator in my groups... it was around this time that i started meeting these people that i started to have an interest in God again... See they were all Christian and they didn't push God at me but they sure did answer any questions i had and they were all very caring and truely interested in me as a person.....
So i gave myself to Jesus... i put my trust back in Him... but it has not been an easy road.. for God does not promise a life without trials but He does promise to be there with us going through it all with us... So there was Ken, Joe, Brenda and a few others that helped me keep going.. but satan was doing everything he could to get me to turn from God again and i had even met a few people that i shouldn't have had nothing to do with... in my mind i rationalized it that i was helping them when in reality i wasn't at all.. i was making things worse because i was falling into their lies of darkness... so through all these struggles my friends stuck by me... Becky and Ken i am still really close with.. Becky as become a sister to me on here and i could not see not having these 2 people in my life anymore.. for they both are there to listen and help guide me....
So my groups have now become Christian survivors groups and the yahoo groups has about 96 people in it.. msn has about 60 and my prayer support group has a little over 30 i think now... around that time i started searching for a church and the first one i went too i have been going to since.. not every sunday but at least once a month.. and these past 6 months or so it has been at least 2 or 3 times a month that i been going to the church... i was baptized there a few weeks ago and will be becoming a member of the church there soon too... they are a wonderful group of people at this church.. they have helped me alot to feel welcome there... i'm use to snooty old time churches but this church is not that way at all... it took me a long time to get use to the people just walking up and giving me hugs.... and i decided that in time if it is for me to be married that God will send Him my way and i have to faith in that... If we dont have faith in God or trust in Him then we have nothing... Now when i go through my trials i don't go through them along.. i know He is next to me.. and i also know He is taking the brunt of the pain.. for i know i would not be here today if not for Him and Him alone....
ok so i'm done rambling for today... and we are getting closer to the end of my life.... prayers and luv.. God Bless.. jenny
posted by my_angel_eyes3 at 2:43 PM
6 Comments:
Isn't it amazing the way God works in our lives? The Lord just never seems to let us get away. We keep getting pulled back until we are in the arms of the Almighty once again. It is awesome how God loves us even we we don't deserve to be loved. I can't imagine not have the Lords light to guide me in life. I would not want to be living in the darkness.
I loved your testimonial. They are always so great to hear! It brought tears to my eyes and warm to my heart. God Bless You!
Heather
It's not easy, following Jesus, is it ? My road has been very different from yours, but I guess the underlying issues are the same. I heard a friend speak about God believing in me (as opposed to me believing in God), and wrote up the message here: http://strugglingdisciple.blogspot.com/2004/11/god-believes-in-me.html ..... don't know if it helps ?
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Thanks for responding .... it's good to make contact ....
I'd like to respond to "thank you for reminding me what I need to do". We're all conditioned to having to earn our place in the world, and assume it's the same with God. It's not. God just invites us to rest in Jesus. It's all done. There's nothing more to do. Our place in God's kingdom has already been guaranteed.
I guess all this can sound smug and comfortable, and I know life is often hard, but we can at least relax on the basics .... God believes in you, simply relax and enjoy him, the rest will follow !
It has taken me a long time to beable to relax in knowing He does believe in me and that He does love me.. still sometimes today i find that i struggle with that.. even as of late.. with my daughter being ill.. my son may have a tumor... and now with me i have to go see a nuerologist for my headaches because i blacked out and fell with my last one.. so things have been quite tough of late and i kept finding myself asking what i had done to deserve this... only to have people tell me that it is not what i have done.. but maybe satan is working overtime to bring me down because i was coming closer to my Father in heaven.. thank you for responding back and forth.. God BLesses you.. jenny
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