Love??

Love
by jenny dobson
how can i love
when i feel no love
how can someone love me
if i dont love me
how do you learn to love
when you've never felt love
how do you give love
when you've never been given love
love is a strong emotion
is there really such a thing
how do you know it is love
when it can be the opposite thing
when someone says i love you
how do you know it's real
for is there such a thing
as someone loving me
when someone says i love you
why do i start to laugh
what is this thing called love
and is it meant to last


I wrote that pome on love a few years ago.
Sometimes i open it and share it with others just to show where
i was at at that point and time. I have grown alot
and would like to also beable to let God work
through me so that others can too grow as i did.

In 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 it tells us what love is...
let me share that with you...

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy,
it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is
not selfseeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record
of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but it rejoices
with truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always persevers.

But lets go a little bit more into detail of each one.....

First love is long-suffering - which means it does not seek revenge...
How many of us in the past have wanted revenge on our abusers?
I know that i use to want it and if you are honest with yourself
you will agree that you either use to want it too or you still want it...

Second love is kind - which i we all know what that means....

Third love does not envy - which means it is not jealous of others
or things it does not have

Fourth it does not boast - which means it does not promote itself
or talk about oneself.. I think Pauls says it better in Phil. 2:3
"3Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in
humility consider others better than yourselves.

Fifth Love is not proud - which i know you know what it means
but let me add that we are to avoid even the appearance of evil.

sixth Love is not rude or selfseeking - which i am taking to mean that
we put others before ourselves. We seek to be there for them and not
just be there for ourselves or out own agendas.

Seventh love is not easily angered - which
means we are not easily irritated or angered
We show paitences and understanding.

Eighth love keeps no record of wrong doing - which
pretty much means we forgive and don't hold a grudge right
and it overlooks wrongs or insults...

ninth love does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth -
which i take to mean love does is not happy with wrong doing or injustices
but it is happy, it protects, it trusts, it hopes and it persevers.


Now i'm hoping and praying that so far you all are still with me....
You see many of us and i even in the past feel we are owed love because
of what we went through in the past... But that is not true and we all know that..
We go from feeling we are owed it to feeling nothing but contempt for it..
I ask you, how many of you struggle with relationships? with trust?
how many struggle to have faith or to even hope?
Today i am 32 years old.... I have my children...
I have my relationship with God.. which still needs alot of work...
and i have my family.. but i have no husband...
I hope that together we can start building and trusting again..
i pray this post has helped you in some way.. May God Bless you...
prayers and luv.. jenny

Today is my birthday

and here i sit all alone

kids are gone

family has not called

but i have wonderful friends

on here who have not forgotten...

thank you all...

jenny

Suicide Heaven or hell?

There is some debate on whether you will end up in Heaven or if you will go to hell for taking your life. Lets see if we can find out what the Bible says about it.

First off we will start with the people in the bible that did commit suicide in some form..

Abimelech did in Judges 9:54

54Then he called hasitly unto the young man his armourbearer, and said unto him,
Draw they sword, and slay me, that men say not of me,
A women slew him. And his young man thrust him through, and he died.

Samson did in Judges 16:29-30

29And Samson took hold of the two middle pillars upon which the house stood,
and on which it was borne up, of the one with his right hand,
and of hte other with his left hand.
30And Samson said, Let me die with the Phillistines. And he bowed
himself with all his might; and the house fell upon the lords,
and upon all the people that were therein. So the dead
which he slew at his death were more than they which he slew in his life.

Saul in 1 Samuel 31:4

4Then said Saul unto his armourbearer, Draw thy sword, and thrust me through
therewith; lest these uncircumcised come and thrust me through, and abuse me. But his
amourbearer would not; for he was sore afraid. Therefore Saul took a
sword and fell upon it.

Sauls armourbearer also did in Samuel 31:5

5And when his amourbearer saw that Saul was dead, he
fell likewise upon his sword, and died with him.

Ahithophel did in 2 Samuel 17:23

23And when Ahithophel saw that his counsel was not followed, he saddled
his ass, and arose and gat him home to his house, to his city, and put
his household in order, and hanged himself and died, and was buried
in the sepulchre of his father.

Zimri did in 1 Kings 16:18

18And it came to pass, when Zimri saw that the city was taken,
that he went into the palace of the king's house, and burnt
the king's house over him with fire, and died.

Judas is the last one and most of us know about him
but i will put it here as well

Matthew 27:5
5And he cast down the pieces of silver in the temple, and
departed, and went and hanged himself.

Ok so we know that it is in the Bible and we have read about it right?
So we search through the Bible to find if it is frowned upon or not.
Here in Gen. 1:26-27, 2:7 Ps. 8:5 it proclaims the sanctity of life.
Let me show you..

Genesis 1:26-27

26And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.
27So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them

Genesis 2:7
7And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.

Psalm 8:5
5For thou hast made him a little lower than the angels, and hast crowned him with glory and honour.


And here it will show us where we are to choose life not death.....
Deut. 30:15, 19
Deuteronomy 30:15
15See, I have set before thee this day life and good, and death and evil;

Deuteronomy 30:19
19I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live:

Here it shows where God reserves the right to giveth or taketh life
Job 1:21 and Exod. 20:13

Job 1:21
21And said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.

Exodus 20:13
13Thou shalt not kill.
Here we see where Christians are called for steadfastness in the

midst of trial. 2 Cor. 12: 7-10, Phil 4:11-13 James 1:2-4
2 Corinthians 12:7-10

7And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure.
8For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me.
9And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
10Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

Philippians 4:11-13
11Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.
12I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.
13I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

James 1:2-4
2My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;
3Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.
4But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.

John saw in Rev 9:6 that in ladder days men would chose death
over life... Moses, Elijah, Job and Jonah all asked the Lord
to take their lives but God refused. Simon and Paul
also wanted to be in Heaven but were content in
staying on earth until God chose to bring them to heaven.
So we see through out the Bible that God teaches life.
He does not want us to take our lives for He alone
is the only one who has the right to take or give life.
So i ask you all before you make a decision and act upon it
to please get some help. We are here to support you but
we are not councelors so we all we can do is listen and make suggestions...
Know that each of us are here with you and are praying for you..
prayers and luv.. jenny

So it's been a while since i've written here... and i have much to get caught up on so bare with me with it being long....

2 weeks ago my son got ringworm from the farm at his dads.. so i've had him here trying to get that cleared up and then we went camping for a few days.. left last thursday and was suppposed to stay until sunday sometime... on saturday i guess my sons friend got mad at him for some reason and decided to throw a stick at him... well he didn't mean to hit him in the face but he did and i had to take him to the ER and my son got 7 stitches under his right eye.. well.. i've had him at the doctor everyday this week because of it.. yesterday i had to take him because he had blood running down the back of his throat.. and today he had to go see the ears nose and throat doc for it.. tomorrow he gets a catscan done on his face because of what is going on... and then on friday he gets the stitches out if all is going well by then....

I'm pretty frustrated and mad.. this friend of his should of known better.. i mean both boys are about 12... i know boys will be boys.. but this was a stupid accident... i try to keep my anger under control and God has been doing a great job helping me with that.. and i have a few close friends who i have been doing alot of talking with.. a new friend Timmmay..lol.. that is how he likes it... he is a strong Christian friend of mine now too.. wonderful single father.. he's doing such a great job of raising his son...

Conrad has been doing alot of praying for me because of my past and because of my lack of sleep lately... but they started me on a new med so praying here that things will start to fall into place.. i've been feeling so lonely lately... i mean i have my kids but i havn't been doing any dating and i dont want to do any dating either because i always seem to mess it up.. the way i see it God must have a plan for me or something or He's wanting me to stay single for some reason... who knows.. i hate being alone though... but all in all i have my children... right.. i should be content with that because without them i probably would not be here today...

my groups seem to be doing pretty good.. that's a good thing... my sisters of course are being them..lol.. i felt so bad this morning though i was supposed to get to my sisters this morning and i ended up over sleeping because of the new med and the sleeping pill i am taking.. boy did it knock me out... i slept great...

my online mom.. whom i will meet someday.. had surgery yesterday and she won't be online for at least a week or so while she heals i think.. i miss her... but she came through surgery great and i'm sure God will help her with a speedy recovery... i'm praying so anyways...

ok i think i'll quit rambling now.. prayers and luv to all of you who read this... jenny

racing

So i survived the abuse i went through.. but it seems to be quite strong in my head right now... and i have all this crap going on in my head that would be hard for most people to understand.. everyone would think i was a freak... but i'm not.. and i'm not crazy... but i sure do feel like it sometimes.... i was supposed to go out of town for the holiday.. well that changed.. then i was supposed to go camping for a few days.. then that changed... my son went back to his dads.. but daughter is at my sisters... and here i sit... feeling sorry for myself.. wishing that things would be different... wishing that my LIFE would be different and that i didn't have all this going on inside of me.. i try to tell people who are dealing with the same things as i am that it will be okay.. look to God.. He is there.. when right now it is so hard for me to do that.... i love my God... I know He alone is there for me.. so why is it so hard for me to just had everything over to him.... why can't i be normal... why couldn't i have had a normal loving family instead of the messed up one that i have... my siblings are so messed up it drives me bonkers.. i'm supposed to kiss there butt on a daily basses or it is like a constant battle.. so what's up with that? i mean i even lost a friend i had been friends with since grade school because she wasn't truely a friend.. she was the type that got mad when you didn't do exactly what she wanted.. when she wanted and how she wanted.... i do miss her sometimes though... i mean we went through alot together.. but there is only one person i can truely call a friend of mine here... i met her like 4 years ago and she is like a sister to me... she is the one who lost her daughter to a pack of pitbulls.... i think those dogs should be banned... they only people who really have them mainly is druggies and people who fight them... and that is just pure meanness to put dogs through that.....

so here i am rambling along jumping through many different topics.. so can you tell how my mind is racing... i dont want to be around any one or talk to anyone.. i'm not in a poeple mode right now.. i'm in my hybernation mode... and my mad mode.. once again i feel like i am mad at the world.. i hate this.. i hate going through this.. next thing i will be doing is crashing.. i so know the cycles... no matter what i do i will not beable to stop it... and i know this.. i can not stop this on my own.. so why is it so hard to turn to my Father in heaven when i go through times like this..... things are happening and people are getting hurt and it is like i have no control over any of it.. i can't stop any of it... Father forgive me... Father help me get through this... give me strength my Father.. my Lord.. my Jesus.. i beg you to show me guidence and get me through this... i beg you to give me wisdom.. help me father.. help em.. i beg you....